


Remember

by otomekaidii



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, MAJOR SPOILER WARNING, Multi, Night Terrors, Nightmares, No actual violence is depicted, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Post Lesson 16, Reader-Insert, Referenced Injuries/Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27860269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otomekaidii/pseuds/otomekaidii
Summary: After the situation with Belphegor is resolved, you struggle to come to terms with your changing relationships with the brothers.**Major Spoiler Warning**Do not read if you have not finished Lesson 16 of the main story.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 16
Kudos: 128





	Remember

Things rarely turn out as you plan them. 

And this time was no exception. As soon as Belphegor offered you that hug, you knew something was wrong. That smile just didn’t look...right. Perhaps you should have tried to run, but judging by what happened with your body in the alternate reality, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference.

When you had finally left the attic, after being revived by the last of Lilith’s power, the sight that greeted you was like something out of a horror movie. So much blood everywhere. And in the middle of it all sat Mammon, clutching your body to himself, begging you not to leave. Even though you knew Barbatos had told you that you must not interfere, you couldn’t just stand by and watch Mammon fall to pieces when you were right there, just a few yards away.

So you took a step forward. 

Levi was the first to notice you, and everyone else turned to face you soon after. There was so much confusion in their eyes, but also hope. Hope that maybe you were in fact alive. Just as you were about to run to Mammon, Belphegor moved to attack you again. But after a few moments of panic, you were finally able to explain what happened to their sister and why there appeared to be two of you.

You were so happy to be reunited with everyone, to be alive, you didn’t think much of your new relationship to them at first. It hadn’t entered your mind that anything would actually change. As you talked with Belphegor, you relaxed even more, learning that he did in fact value your companionship and what you had done for him. Which is also, as he explained, part of why he reacted as he had - he knew just how enamored everyone was with you, and blamed you for leading them down the same path as Lilith. But once he had learned that Lilith was still able to live a happy life, he was able to begin to deal with his grief, and could finally fully appreciate you.

As the evening wore on however, you started to become uncomfortable. Not with Belphie though, his behavior you at least understood, in a sense. But with the attention and doting that everyone else was lavishing on you. Everyone had always been nice to you before, but this was beyond that. And when Lord Diavolo made some comment in passing about how everyone must be happy about getting to do all the things with you that they had wanted to do with Lilith, a sick feeling crept into your stomach, making it churn. You tried to convince yourself you were overreacting. They loved you. You loved them. They were just glad you weren’t dead. But the feeling of unease wouldn’t go away.

————

The following morning, you woke up drenched in sweat. You had a nightmare. And not just any nightmare. A very vivid nightmare about how Belphegor had killed you. And not only did you remember the first time in the attic, but for reasons you did not understand, you also remembered the death you had suffered in the alternate reality. You could feel his claws around your throat. How your ribs stabbed further into your lungs every time you tried to take a breath. The blood pouring from the wound in your abdomen. Everything. Every little thing, in excruciating detail.

Your first thought was to run right to Mammon. He was your closest friend, after all. And you frequently helped him out when he had nightmares of his own. But something made you hesitate and you decided instead to just take a quick bath, and head down to breakfast. Maybe you could talk to him after school, you thought. That would also give you an opportunity to check on him too, since you hadn’t had a chance yet to speak to him about the events of the previous evening.

After classes ended, you quickly headed to your meeting spot to wait for Mammon. He was all smiles when he saw you, and you beamed at him in return. The walk back to the House of Lamentation was a peaceful one, as the two of you chatted about your day. You were surprised at just how normal it all felt. Like yesterday had never happened. But it did happen, and every time you closed your eyes all you could see was the blood coated hall, and you knew you needed to talk about it. 

“So Mammon...how are you doing?”

“Good, why?”

“Oh, I was just...well...I was worried about you. After yesterday, I mean…”

“Oh. Well, I’m good. You’re here, so it doesn’t matter ya know? Everything worked out,” he answered, flashing you a brilliant smile.

“Umm, yeah, right. That makes sense.”

It didn’t really make sense to you though. Not after that nightmare you had. But it seemed Mammon wasn’t having any nightmares at least, so that was good wasn’t it? 

However, you couldn’t help but feel a little...rejected? One of the reasons you had wanted to talk to him about how you were feeling, was because you had assumed he would be struggling in a similar way. He was the one you were closest with, and he was the one you had seen holding your body, after all. Was what happened just not that big of a deal to him? Or maybe things like this just weren’t something demons got upset over?

“Whattabout you?”

“Hmm? Oh. Good, no problems here,” you smiled back at him. It was all you could do really. It just didn’t feel right bringing up those things when he was doing well. Especially since you knew how happy he was to find out the truth about Lilith and your bloodline. You couldn’t bring yourself to taint that happiness. He had suffered for long enough already, he deserved a little peace. 

————

And so your days continued to pass in a similar way - go to school, walk home, go to bed, have a nightmare - until it had been a week already. 

And by the end of the week, you were exhausted. 

As you had spent time with each of the brothers, helping them get over their awkwardness with Belphegor, one thing had become abundantly clear to you: none of them seemed at all upset by what he had done to you. 

You couldn’t really say why that bothered you so much. You had already forgiven Belphie, and had spent most of the week in his company. So it shouldn’t be a big deal if his brothers also forgave him, right? 

Still, you found yourself flinching every time someone hugged you, or tried to hold your hand. When they’d offer you a snack or invite you somewhere, you just instinctually wanted to run away. To yell at them for ever thinking that you would be interested. And every time you had to fight back those urges you felt more and more guilty. They just wanted to show you they cared, didn’t they? Why couldn’t you just be happy?

When you got home from school that day, you immediately collapsed on your bed. Ever since the first nightmare, you had been having trouble falling asleep. And even after you managed to go to sleep, once you woke up from your nightmares, regardless of the time it was, you couldn’t go back to sleep. Sometimes you would think of going to climb into Mammon’s bed or see what Levi was up to, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You didn’t want to have to explain why you were up at weird hours of the night. 

But now that you were laying in bed once again, it didn’t take long before exhaustion claimed you and pulled you into a deep sleep.

————

_You were at the dining room table, eating breakfast when Beel entered._

_“Good morning, Lilith.”_

_“It’s me Beel. I’m not Lilith.”_

_He looked at you, slightly puzzled._

_“Um, ok? If you say so.”_

_And then he continued to his seat, and began eating his breakfast._

_Lucifer entered next. He walked right over to you, and kissed you on the top of your head._

_“Good morning, Lilith.”_

_“I’m not Lilith.”_

_“Oh? Is that so?”_

_Lucifer smirked at you. It was like he thought you were playing a game._

_Mammon was the next to join you._

_“‘Morning Lilith!”_

_He walked right up to you and hugged you in your seat._

_“I’m not Lilith!”_

_“Of course ya are. I know my sister.”_

_He then ruffled your hair and took a seat next to you._

_“But I’m not Lilith. I’m MC.”_

_“Huh?”_

_“MC! Your best friend!”_

_“Oh is this a new game you and Belphie are playin’?”_

_“No!!”_

_Mammon laughed at your reaction._

_No, not your reaction. The reaction of his cute little sister._

_‘You’ weren’t there. ‘You’ didn’t exist. It was just Lilith. And no one missed you. No one remembered you. Only Lilith._

————

“AHHHHHH!” 

You woke up in a cold sweat, screaming, though you couldn’t remember why. You had been having breakfast. And then…

And then…

Lilith. 

Suddenly everything made sense to you. Why you flinched when someone touched you. Why you wanted to slap their hands away when they offered you food. Why you wanted to scream at them when they invited you somewhere.

They weren’t inviting _you,_ they were inviting _Lilith._

Or Lilith’s descendant. Though you supposed it didn’t really matter. All that mattered was that you were not part of the equation. _You_ had died, and no one mourned your death. As soon as your identity had been revealed, it was like nothing else had ever happened. No one cared that Belphegor killed you. It was all okay...because they got Lilith back.

As the realization hit you, so did the flood of tears, and the uncontrollable sobs. Or maybe calling it wailing would be more accurate? Whatever it was, it brought Mammon to your room, in a panic.

“What the hell?! Are you okay?!”

Mammon was at your side in an instant, but seeing him there only made you cry harder. A reminder that _you_ were gone. That he didn’t miss you. That your death was an acceptable thing, because he got _Lilith_ back. 

Not knowing what else to do, Mammon sat beside you in your bed, wrapping his arms around you as he cradled you to his chest. You wanted to resist. You wanted to push him away. But you were just too weak. Too exhausted to fight back. So you let him hold you, and comb his fingers through your hair, as he rocked you gently and tried to comfort you.

Eventually you were able to sit up on your own, even though your tears were still streaming down your face. Your chest was still unbearably tight, but at least you could breathe now. And even though your throat still ached, you could once again talk. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, wiping at your eyes, trying to clean off whatever tears you could.

“It’s nothin’...but what happened?” Mammon loosened his grip on you a little, allowing you to sit up some more and put some space between you.

“Just a nightmare. No big deal,” you tried to laugh it off. But he wasn’t buying it.

“Ya know, you’ve been actin’ kinda weird all week. Are ya sure you’re ok?”

“Yep. Just fine. Probably could use some sleep, but that’s it,” you smiled at him. 

“C’mon you can’t expect me to believe that. You can’t even get ya-self to stop cryin’!”

“Oh…”

He was right. The fact that even now your tears wouldn’t stop was a pretty clear indicator that something was wrong. But you couldn’t tell him. You couldn’t tell anyone. 

“It’s fine. I’ll be ok. Just need a minute,” you said, trying to deflect.

“It ain’t fine. C’mon, talk to me, please. You’re…”

“...I’m not Lilith…”

“Huh?” Mammon looked at you, as you sat next to him, keeping your head down. His arm was still wrapped around you, so he squeezed your shoulder in what he hoped would be a gesture of reassurance.

“...I’m not...not her...I’m not Lilith…”

“Well yeah, I know that.”

“...but do you? Really?”

“Look you really ain’t makin’ a lot of sense right now. I want to help...but I don’t know what ya want me to do,” Mammon was grasping at straws here, desperate to figure out what had you so upset, and why you were saying these things.

“I remember….”

“Remember?”

“When I died. I remembered. Not just in the attic. But…”

“Wh…? How?”

“I dunno...I just do. I see it in my dreams. I can’t sleep.”

Mammon had started rubbing your arm now, gently, encouraging you to keep going.

“I remember. But no one else does. I died. But no one cared. They got Lilith back. And what about me? What about where I belong? It’s all gone. I’m still dead. And you have Lilith. And no one...no one cares…”

Your tears had started to fall heavily again, the pain in your chest worsening. You tried to rub it away with your hand, but it didn’t bring you any relief. Why couldn’t the pain just stop? It seemed like you had been in pain from the moment you finally opened the attic door. And it felt like nothing would ever make it end.

Suddenly you felt Mammon’s arms around you, and you were wrapped in a near bone crushing hug. You gasped in surprise, but he didn’t let go. He just buried his face further into the crook of your neck. As you sat there, stunned, you started to feel dampness on your shirt and skin. 

Was he...crying? Why would he be crying? Did you do this? You had been so careful not to mention any of this, and then suddenly it had just come rushing out all at once and you couldn’t stop it. And now Mammon was hurt. 

“... _I_ remember...I remember…” he choked out in between sobs. He was trying hard to keep himself together, but it was a losing battle. Every time he tried to speak, another memory would replay in his mind. And every time he closed his eyes, he could see your lifeless body. All he could do now to stop from coming undone completely was to hold you close and feel your warmth against him.

“You...remember? But...I...you said…”

“No. Listen. Listen to me,” Mammon said, letting you go and sitting up, taking your face gently in his hands, “I remember. I could never forget. I didn’t want ya to worry. So I didn’t say. But I...I remember.”

“You..remember?”

“I remember.”

Without any further hesitation, you wrapped your arms around Mammon’s neck as he pulled you into his lap and hugged you tightly to himself. It was impossible to tell who was crying more at this point. In between sobs, the only other sound that could be heard was Mammon repeating “I remember” over and over again. 

You had been feeling so incredibly lonely. And in one single moment, Mammon had managed to change all that. Even if no one else grieved for you. Even if no one else missed you. He did. You couldn’t put into words how much that meant to you, all you could do was hold him tighter and tighter. Trying with all your might to make sure he would never leave you again.

And Mammon? He had been feeling much the same as you. When he saw you trying so hard to act normal, he didn’t have the heart to burden you with his troubles. Why should he be the one to stir up bad memories for you? It was bad enough he had to deal with these things, that his sleep was a restless one, plagued with nightmares, you didn’t need to suffer too. If you were strong enough to get through this, then he should be able to manage it easily.

But now, he could see just how foolish that was. You hadn’t been alright at all. In fact, you were the furthest thing from alright. As far as you knew, no one missed you and only saw you as some sort of sister replacement. And if he had just told you, even a little, just said “I’m glad you’re ok,” all of this could have been avoided. You wouldn’t be crying so hard in his arms. You wouldn’t be struggling to breathe. No, you would be happy. You would be smiling. But because he didn’t want to appear _weak_ , he had brought you so much unnecessary suffering. 

————

Neither of you knew when you had fallen asleep exactly, but by the time you had woken up, it was late into the night. Not wanting to disturb Mammon, you opted to continue laying curled up next to his side, with your head resting on his chest. The sound of his breathing was so soothing to you. You had missed this. 

It occurred to you as you snuggled closer to him, that you had woken up naturally. For the first time in a week, your dreams had been peaceful ones. And you attributed this change to the fact that Mammon was now by your side and you no longer felt alone and forgotten. You were safe here, with him. 

“You ok?” he asked.

“Oh sorry. Did I wake you?”

“Nah, just checkin’ on ya.”

“I’m good actually. No nightmares,” you replied, looking up, smiling at him the first genuine smile you had had in days. 

“Me too,” he pulled you closer with the arm that was around your shoulders so that he could kiss your forehead, making you smile even more.

“Guess we just aren’t any good on our own, huh?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he laughed.

After a moment of silence, he continued, “Umm. There’s somethin’ I feel like I gotta say,” you tried to sit up so you could look at him, but he held you in place and pulled you closer instead, “Nah, just stay like that. I don’t wantcha lookin’ at me.

So...umm...I feel like you should know that you aren’t a replacement ta me. I mean, I loved my sister. And losin’ her was hard. But...when I thought I lost you? That was...that was the most painful experience of my life. Worse than the Fall. Worse than all of it,” Mammon’s grip tightened around you, pulling you even closer than before, “I can’t lose ya again.”

You listened carefully as Mammon opened up to you. With each word he whispered to you, another knot of anxiety untangled itself from within your chest. The two of you had misunderstood each other so badly. And in trying to protect the other, had only caused one another more pain. 

“I don’t want to lose you either,” you said, giving him a squeeze with the arm around his chest. Just spending a week without him was bad enough, you didn’t want to think about what things would be like if he was ever truly _gone_. 

Mammon smiled as he felt you cling to him. He loved that feeling. Of being wanted, _needed_ . He always felt that way around you, you made sure of it. And he didn’t think he could live without it at this point.   
  


“Don’t worry. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”


End file.
